Coraline - mice

Posting here because this community needs to LIVE: Sexuality and Gender

I might repost this to asexuality in a few days if responses are low or just for kicks, but I thought it'd be nice to try to breathe a little life into good old asex_adjusted here. I know a lot of you still have this comm on your flists, so get a-commenting!

How I came to this topic; rambling about sex positivityCollapse ) Sex-positivity isn't what I set out to talk about, but I'm guessing since I've now blathered on about it for a while that we might as well talk about it in the comments, if any of you are so inclined, since I'm so badly off my intended topic.

Because my intended topic is inspired by this quote from the last article I listed above: "One of the things I enjoyed about my aceness was that I didn’t have to fit into a gender box, after all, I wasn’t planning on attracting anyone."

Gender and SexualityCollapse )

So, there you have it: two topics for discussion if you so desire. Can has comments?
1

(no subject)

Hi everyone!

I am a student at the University of Leeds, studying for an MA in gender, sexuality, and queer theory. My dissertation is on how asexual people construct romance, since current mainstream discourses about romance necessarily include sex. I am interested in responses from both romantic asexuals and aromantic asexuals, as I think both groups of people can contribute equally valuable, though different, views. Demisexuals and people who identify as grey-A are invited to take this survey as well! I'd love to get a wide range of responses.

There's a much longer and more detailed introduction at the survey, which is here. I'll warn everyone in advance, though, that the survey is fairly long.

I am really grateful to everyone who does fill out the survey! Thank you so much!

This has been cross-posted a lot, so I apologise if you've seen it several times already!
doctor is so unmateworthy

Holy crap, a post!

Hello, all!

Some (if not all) of you have probably noticed that dear old asexuality has grown pretty dour of late. There's been very little in the way of positive posts, so I thought it might be nice to make a Great Big Post of Asexy Awesomeness detailing just why asexuality is wonderful and shouldn't be equated with leprosy and/or a death sentence. :P And what better place to start compiling a list than right here, where the mellow kids hang out? I figured once we had a nice, long list, we could post it over there and give the sorrowful a little perspective.

Reasons why aromanticism is awesome are also welcome.

I'll begin:

#1: I will never have to share my bed with anything larger than a cat.
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spunkula-once upon a time i died

asexuality and the homosexual experience

I don't know why it took me so long, but I've finally started making the effort to expose myself to queer cinema. I have a copy of The Celluloid Closet on my shelf, but I still haven't gotten around to reading it. I'm surprised Mom didn't pass comment on that when I bought it.

My exposure has, I must admit, been limited to a very small number of lesbian films and a plethora of against-the-grain readings of more mainstream films. And by a very small number, I mean two: Go Fish and But I'm a Cheerleader. The former almost turned me off queer cinema forever (though as a more mature filmgoer, I might now be able to look at it as stylized rather than clumsy), so it wasn't until a year later that I finally looked at another film about lesbians.

But I'm a Cheerleader is, in one word, awesome. It's a bit problematic due to its heavy use of stereotypes--at least, at first glance. Yes, it has butch lesbians and girly gay guys ("I just wasn't meant to be butch!" *cries*), but the straight characters are formed in much the same way. I don't think there's a single non-homophobe straight person in the movie. The point is not that the characters are deep or realistic--it's that, even using our current perceptions of sexuality, it's entirely possible to tell a story that gets at the truth of the matter.

Anyway, the point I was going to make is that But I'm a Cheerleader is what has finally convinced me that yes, as an asexual I do have things in common with other queer people. I've said in the past that I feel as distant from lesbians as I do from straight women, since they both experience feelings I've never felt, but when it comes down to it, being an asexual teen and passing isn't all that different from being a homosexual teen and passing. In the early parts of But I'm a Cheerleader, before Kimberly realizes who she really is, her boyfriend keeps kissing her--or, rather, slobbering all over her face while she looks bored. Assuming that it's a subjective portrayal rather than the guy just being bad at kissing, I can totally relate. I hate to say it, but kissing a guy is one of the most disgusting things I've ever done. I know some asexuals like kissing, but that's just one example. It's taken me a surprisingly long time to realize it, but going against your sexuality in order to fit in is something that happens to almost all queer kids regardless of whether or not they're actually sexual at all. So, while I'm not going to go out and have the same adult experiences as my sexual queer counterparts, at least we have the same early life experiences to work from.

x-posted to asexuality and asex_adjusted
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spunkula-once upon a time i died

Asexuality in college

Hi guys. Hope you're all still reading this comm, since I recall you being rather more mature and interesting to talk to than the main LJ asex comm. Some of you might remember when I posted an essay exploring possible asexual messages in The Wizard of Oz last spring...still need to get that edited nice and pretty, since my teacher actually said that I might be able to get it published if I worked on it, and how awesome would that be?

Anyway, I'm a junior in college, and I got a job in a residence hall this year, so I'm here rather earlier than the other students for training. We had a health presentation yesterday, which was all fine and dandy right up until they went into sex health education mode. Now, I'm all for getting the sexual kids to use condoms and get HIV testing if they're at it anyway, and am even in favor of the free condom baskets they put in the res hall restrooms (despite the fact that seeing them there makes me feel a little uncomfortable), but I don't like the way they present sexual activity among students. They tend to imply that all healthy, normal people my age are going at it like bunnies, and I remember that even as a freshman (when I had not admitted my orientation even to myself) it made me feel uncomfortable about my own attitude toward sex. Since such a large number of people are entirely unaware of the asexual mini-revolution, I'm afraid that there are probably more incoming freshmen who, like me as of a few years ago, think that they're just weird or unhealthy and don't want to admit that they're not into sex for fear of social repercussions. My school provided me with all of one pamphlet about abstinence, and my mother had to find it on the table outside one of the presentations at orientation, since it was not handed out along with the other materials on student sexuality.

Anyway, the point is that I've contacted the GLBT resource center on campus and informed them of what I see as a serious problem. While I don't personally identify as queer, they're the only people I could think of who might take an interest in the issue. I have yet to get a response, but it is, after all, the weekend, and they're probably shortstaffed since the majority of students aren't here yet. I'm seriously hoping that I can help establish resources for asexual students, particularly incoming freshmen and the people who are working with them during orientation. I'm sick and tired of feeling like the wellness offices are pushing me into having sex, and with any luck, I'm not the only one.

I'll keep you informed of any responses I get.

ETA (not that I expect this post to be reread, but until something more substantial comes up, I don't want to make a new one): I got a response.

Thank you so much for your email and all that you shared. Yes, you are right, there is not a lot of visible support, information for students who identify as asexual. We do try to talk about asexuality in our programs and services, but yes, much of the education on campus about sexuality is targeted towards non-asexual students. All this being said, I would love to support you in any way possible. If you would like to meet sometime and chat? That would be great.

I won't have time to go have a chat until at least this weekend, and asked if Saturday would work. If not, I'll have to figure out something a little later on.
defying gravity

(no subject)

I haven't been on this community in ages, but when I found this article on Wikipedia, I couldn't stay away. It's about a guy named Edward Gorey, who wrote macabre childrens books. (Reminds me of Struwwelpeter) Anyway, I was skimming the biographical section and found this.
"Gorey never married, professed to have little interest in romance, and never discussed any specific romantic relationships in interviews. In the book The Strange Case of Edward Gorey, published after Gorey's death, his friend Alexander Theroux reported that when Gorey was pressed on the matter of his sexual orientation, he said that even he was not sure whether he was gay or straight. When asked what his sexual preferences were in an interview, he said: "I'm neither one thing nor the other particularly. I am fortunate in that I am apparently reasonably undersexed or something... I've never said that I was gay and I've never said that I wasn't... What I'm trying to say is that I am a person before I am anything else..." It is possible that Gorey was asexual. Theroux paints a portrait of a man who lived a fairly solitary existence by choice, friendly, generous, and apparently comfortable with strangers, but strongly preferring to be alone most of the time."

He sounds pretty darn asexual to me. This was fun to find...
spunkula-once upon a time i died

Hope this isn't too wank-riffic

Really hope this doesn't just come across as whining, but I've been thinking about some of the messages sent by movies. There are, of course, movies promoting conformity, like 102 Dalmations, and movies promoting consumerism, like Bratz, and those are annoying enough, especially since they're aimed at children.

Anyway, the really relevant issue for this community is those movies that declare heterosexual love and a family life as the only way anyone can ever feel complete. I'm speaking, of course, of the upcoming No Reservations, in which a successful woman's life apparently becomes complete when she becomes guardian of her niece and finds heterosexual love. It's not a new plot (see 2000's The Family Man, in which Nicholas Cage wakes up to discover his successful career has been replaced by a wife and kids), but I don't think it gets any less offensive as the years go by.

Any thoughts? Better yet, does anyone know of any movies that don't insist on coupling?
Oryon Sigh

Pencils down. Opinions please.

I'd Just like your opinions on something that's been puzzling me of late.

A buddy of mine with whom I've occasionally gotten physically cuddly with has consistently demonstrated some behavior that seems odd to me. Sometimes when we watched movies at either his place or mine, he would start petting my hair or rubbing my arm. Now this is all great. Being petted can be quite nice and I generally enjoy it. But on more than one occasion, his petting of my arm became obviously sexual in nature in the form of his hand farther up my arm, around my shoulder and eventually going down my shirt.

The odd behavior of a straight man fondling an asexual, quasi-transgenderCollapse )
defying gravity

totally casual

I was reading the advice column that is published in our paper, and I was a little surprised (and very happy!) with the advice given.
The letter was from a 60-year-old woman whose "gentleman friend" shows less affection than she wishes he would. The columnist casually suggested that he might be asexual. No long explaination, no big to do. Just "This gentlemen may be...asexual..."
I really liked that- not treating it as freakish or really different. Just a fact- the guy might be A. I really like it when people do that!