A buddy of mine with whom I've occasionally gotten physically cuddly with has consistently demonstrated some behavior that seems odd to me. Sometimes when we watched movies at either his place or mine, he would start petting my hair or rubbing my arm. Now this is all great. Being petted can be quite nice and I generally enjoy it. But on more than one occasion, his petting of my arm became obviously sexual in nature in the form of his hand farther up my arm, around my shoulder and eventually going down my shirt.
The first time he did this and began fondling my breasts, I allowed him to continue. I am ever interested in experiencing new things and this was definitely in that category at the time. After the fact, as I was mentally analyzing the experience -- I tend to analyze things in a very researcher-like manner after the fact, kinda like gathering data and bringing it back for later examination -- I found the experience to not only be distasteful, but rather disturbing. Ever after that, I told him to stop whenever his petting ranged too far up my arm or deviated from what I deemed 'safe zones'. Though I must give him credit for stopping whenever I told him to, he nevertheless persisted in trying.
Now, you might wonder why I find this behavior odd -- afterall, he is a sexual, straight male and I'm a female friend whose spending a lot of time with him -- but there are a number of reasons.
Firstly, the main thing we do with each other is talk. We've known each other for several years now and are very comfortable talking to each other about otherwise embarrassing/detailed/personal/etc. topics. I've told him more than most anyone about my asexuality and my perception of sexuality in general. By all appearances of conversation, he understands and is not bothered by it.
Along with talking about asexuality, we've discussed other related topics, such as gender identity. I have never been particularly pleased with the fact I'm female and I distinctly dislike the fact I have breasts. I have discussed this with him on numerous occasions. He offered some serious questions such as "do you think you are transgendered?" and "do you have any plans to alter your body?" Though I've known for a very long time that a bit of transgenderism goes into making my gender identity, it's not that I want to be male, it's just that I want to NOT be female. I'd love physical androgyny. I have told him this. I have told him that the physical reality of my body is not in keeping with my mentally held gender identity and that that bothers me. Drawing attention to my obviously female elements brings the clash of the physical reality of my body with my mental perception of myself to the forefront of my mind and I find that rather disturbing. I have told him this as well. This all is the second reason I find his behavior odd.
By fondling my breasts (or trying to, or having an obvious desire to) he is drawing attention to one of the most obviously female parts of my anatomy in a distinctly sexual manner. Yet he knows that I am not only asexual, but not happy with my femaleness and would desire to eliminate the more obvious elements of my sex. All that, added to the fact he is straight, confuses me.
He recently graduated and moved so I won't be dealing with such an annoying conundrum from him in the perceivable future. We are, as we started out, good trusting friends and talk frequently online. The next time we are on a suitable topic of conversation, I will bring these points of my confusion up to him and try to get his answer, but until then, I was hoping you guys might have some insight.
Posted to asexuality and asex_adjusted